Glinda, the “Good” Witch

There are times when, just because we label someone a certain way, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are what they are labeled. Allow me to clarify with one of the rudest and power hungry characters in film history: Glinda, the “Good” Witch.

Let’s start with the introduction. When we first meet Glinda and she is speaking to Dorothy, Dorothy makes the comment “I’ve never heard of a beautiful witch before.” Glinda responds with “Only bad witches are ugly.” Harmless enough, right? Well, the conversation continues and Glinda asks Dorothy, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Um, EXCUSE ME. Did you not just get done saying that only bad witches are ugly? Can you not decide if Dorothy Gale is ugly or beautiful? Bitch, Dorothy Gale is played by Judy Garland. It’s not even a question. She is beautiful. How are you going to even claim that she is ugly? Rude as hell.

Moving on.

Enter the Wicked Witch of the West. Her sister has just been CRUSHED BY A HOUSE.

WOO 1
See.

For all we know, her sister was the last living relative she had. All the Wicked Witch wants is the ruby slippers (and possibly justice for her sister, but mostly those bomb ruby slippers). Glinda is the one who reminds the Wicked Witch of the slippers, right before she, “poof”, puts them on Dorothy’s feet. Why would any sane person do that? “Oh, don’t forget the things that are rightfully yours. Ha. Just kidding. They’re now on the feet of the girl who inadvertently killed your sister.” So, now, Dorothy is in danger’s way all because the Wicked Witch wants what is hers.

To make matters worse, Glinda tells Dorothy that the only way she could possibly get home is to venture out into a strange land to find a wizard who grants wishes. Cool. Sounds totally legit in this fever dream hell.

Cut to Dorothy meeting the wizard. He implies that he can help her on the condition that she MURDERS THE WICKED WITCH. The Wicked Witch is the enemy of The Wizard. She is also the enemy of Glinda. I can only presume that they are enemies because they are both equally as powerful. The Wizard and the “Good” Witch use a small, meek child (her words, not mine) to kill a mutual enemy. Although, I must say, if you know that water can melt you, then maybe you shouldn’t keep a bucket of it just lying around your castle. Just a thought.

So, Dorothy and company kill the Wicked Witch, go back to see The Wizard, and uncover that he’s a fraud.

WOO 3.gif
Toto’s the real hero here. Good dog.

Now, here comes the part where I really reveal power-hungry Glinda is.

Note: I cannot take complete credit for this. My friend, Tyler, and I came up with this conclusion one night while sitting in a Perkin’s restaurant and it blew our damn minds.

Glinda travels by bubble. That bubble can only move with the help of some kind of wind, right? So, it stands to reason that Glinda has some kind of control over the wind. Do you see where I’m going with this yet? The Wizard decides to take Dorothy home to Kansas in his hot air balloon. Hot air balloons move in the direction of the wind. The balloon comes loose, and, boom, no more wizard. This leaves Dorothy and Glinda. Glinda then reveals to Dorothy that she had the power to get home the entire time.The whole time

She then sends Dorothy home, leaving herself, Glinda the Good Witch, the most powerful person in all of Oz.

 

Do you see what I mean? A manipulative, power-hungry bitc–I mean, witch.

 

 

 

 

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